6 Signs You’re Dating a “Laymate”

Once a laymate, not always a laymate!

Once a laymate, not always a laymate!


If you missed the definition of a Laymate, read HERE

In my previous blog, Laymates, Playmates, & Soulmates, I explored three specific roles people may play in our dating lives. One of the most controversial is the Laymate. I received questions from readers asking whether or not there’s really a place for the Laymate and if I’m condoning these types of relationships. Well…. Yes and No. I’m not professing to be anyone’s moral compass. The decision to date/be involved with a Laymate rests squarely on your shoulders. However, I do believe there is a place for all three (I’m surprised people would question the role of the Laymate as plenty are reaching over them right now to grab their phone and read this blog). Depending on where one is at a given point in life, a Laymate could be the perfect companion. This connection offers an opportunity to be true to work/life demands and the desire for few, if any, expectations. When both parties are fully aware of their roles, these entanglements are some of the most freeing because there is no false advertising or misconceptions. However, issues arise when a breakdown in communication occurs and one person fails to recognize they are merely a short-term investment.

Are you dating your Prince or Princess but have a few doubts of their intentions? Here are 6 signs the carriage may soon turn into a pumpkin.

1) You only spend time together at night. They say what’s done in the dark will always come to light but that’s not true for the Laymate. This person is strict about the daily ritual of only seeing you after the sun goes down. It isn’t because you’re unattractive or a bad catch, it’s simply because spending time together during daylight gives the false impression that you’re included in their actual “life” versus just their evening activities. Don’t forget, they were honest and told you the truth about their intentions from the beginning. They never promised commitment, happily ever after, or sunrises.

2) It’s 99.9% physical. The primary thing you have in common is an attraction to one another that’s akin to a moth and flame. I’m not in any way implying a downside to having chemistry. However, if neither of you can articulate additional qualities that make it a value-added connection, it’s time to rethink this situation and your future.

3) Your communication consists mainly of texting. I love technology but it’s a clear sign you’re a Laymate when every interaction is via text.  Texts are for brief exchanges that require few words/instruction. It doesn’t take much to confirm the time and location for a “lay date” now does it?

4) You discuss superficial topics (if you talk at all). The latest hip-hop song to top the charts, a recent episode of How I Met Your Mother, and even your favorite restaurant are conversation fillers. However, you rarely listen to music together, you don’t really ‘watch’ television and there are no plans to eat at said favorite dining spots. Does the person ask about your past/childhood/family/likes/dislikes/motivations, etc? Do you believe he/she takes a genuine interest in getting to know you beyond that evening’s festivities?

5) You wouldn’t dare introduce him/her to your family. If neither of you have made moves to introduce the other to the VIPs in your lives, your actions are speaking louder than you know. Meeting someone’s family and close friends typically means they see you in their life beyond that present moment. They bring you into their inner circle because they understand the value in having you interact with people you’ll be around often. And if they’ve met your friends/family and you’ve not been invited to meet theirs, beware. Their actions are confirming your suspicions. Maybe they don’t see your make-shift presence deserving of a formal introduction. Change course now because there’s already an imbalance.

6) There is no long-term planning/thinking about the relationship. A man or woman that considers you beyond the present, will make plans with you and have conversations that clarify where things are headed. If your mate refuses to plan beyond a 48-hour period, that’s a clear sign it will be over long before you can brace yourself for the impact.


Let’s be honest, are you currently in a Laymate situation? If so, is it working for you or have you found yourself yearning for more substance? Post your comments!


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