“EX”PERT ADVICE: 10 More Lessons Learned from Exes (Pt 2)

"If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello" - Paulo Coelho

“If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello” – Paulo Coelho

Part 1 of “EX”pert Advice generated a good amount of buzz and definitely caused quite a stir! People were all too happy to lend their advice in an effort to spare others the disappointment of having to learn things the hard way.  I’ve again compiled YOUR feedback and a few of my very own for EXPERT ADVICE PART TWO!

  • Trust is never optional. If you have to lie about it, it probably means you shouldn’t do it. The lies told at the beginning of a relationship cause a crack in the ‘foundation’ and evolve into trust issues from which the relationship rarely bounces back.  Every time an opportunity came for me to trust my ex, I kept thinking about the small and big lies he told during our first three months and I knew I’d never trust him. #Honestyisthebestpolicy
  • Ask the right questions. Never ask if someone missed you or loves you because if they don’t freely offer the sentiment, the answer is most likely No. #DontPrompt
  • “Someday” can be a synonym for never. If he’s saying he can see himself with you “someday” but is making NO moves in that direction, you’re officially a side piece. He’ll string you along for as long as you let him. Tell him to call you when “someday” is today. #Neverasidepiece
  • Clarity over confusion. Dating a guy more recently, I had the unfortunate experience of being on an emotional roller coaster. Initially, he was ready to get married and then suddenly he wanted to slow down but still have me close by his side. He didn’t know what he wanted or why he wanted certain things and seemed to change like the wind. I played along for a few weeks while I lined up other options that had a better sense of who they are and what they want. A confused man is akin to a car with flat tires. It moves slowly, is unsafe, lacks control, has no promise of long term, and is obviously in need of maintenance. #Notime4that
  • Feedback is a sign. If a woman gives a guy feedback/criticism, it’s because she sees potential. When we keep our mouths shut and just go along with things, it’s because 1) we want to get a firm commitment (engaged/married) before we start telling you what we really think (which is why you think we’ve “changed”) or 2) we don’t see a relationship manifesting so why spend time trying to make things better. #Justbeinghonest
  • Clarity over confusion 2. Stop hitching your emotional wagon to emotionally indecisive individuals. They will only drive you in circles or crazy from heartache. #KnowwhatYOUwant #MCAR
  • Not every failure teaches lessons. Don’t assume a divorced person has learned anything from their past. Sometimes being divorced just means they’ve learned how to fail at a relationship. #IJS 
  • Part ways respectfully. If you came into the relationship with nothing, don’t expect to leave with the house, car, and clothes. That’s just greedy. #PrenupPlease
  • Love SELF first and foremost. Hear what you see with your eyes and not as much with your ears. #ActionsoverWords
  • Learn when to share. While I like to think of myself as an open book, it is important to put boundaries around your relationship so that no one feels like they have a one up on your significant other. Some things should remain within the confines of the relationship. #MindyourownBusiness

Thanks again to everyone that submitted EXpert Advice!


Check out my other blog postsFOLLOW Renita’s Mynd Matters via email (no Spam!), and Post your comments below!  Also learn more about my short novel, Yesterday Mourning (available on Amazon).

Like, Follow, Tweet, Share, Enjoy!