“On Purpose” (a Poem)

I loved you on purpose, on point, on cue

without restrictions, thoughts, constraints, or questions

I freely offered my purest rendition for your soul and spirit satisfaction

 your careless actions excused by my mellowed thoughts and unyielding bind

constantly wanting to have your wholeness blend with my iterations

attaching to the you I assumed existed

but time revealed a mental lapse running around the tracks of my mind

 twisting-turning-jerking-snatching me back to experiences both cherished and detested

and while I would assume mass confusion for this sanity-challenged state

I have found a haven safe from you and yours for me and mine

I loved you on purpose, on point, on cue

without lies, suggestions, coercion, or inconsistency

I wholly embraced the shell that enclosed the spirit and soul of you

those facets of you the world rebuked and you yourself fought to deny

new life was what you promised with your smiles that could anchor boats floating over tears left by past loves

both prisoners to pasts never meant to see our future

vows made by juvenile hearts with hollowed words

I was on point and on cue with my love for you

You rejected me

you made me the remainder of our division because you plus me divided by you equated to me

loving alone

you kept the compass and maps to keep me dependent on you    needing you  forgiving your behavior with my apologies and spiritual nature

we laid together

no bed of lust and sin-sick guise

we were wrapped in our den of passion

pure and simple

chaste and plain

and while I dared to fully comprehend the blending of wrong for reasons of right, I tried

You were so sweet to me

nectar-filled goodness wrapped in a butterscotch package

chocolate eyes and silky skin

I was drowning in your taste and your scent and your everything that now means nothing to me

you discarded us by simply walking away

you left me buckled and bruised from the mental fists and emotional punches that escaped your control in fits of selfishness and silence

I lost the dream I used to dream with you

sacrificing the hope I once had in you

my fictional truth

somehow with opened eyes I found you only good and sweet and right in those dreams

reality wasn’t kind to you or me for you and me

I discovered how true my emotions were and how tangible you weren’t

I made you what I wanted and needed you to be

my unrelenting error

My love was on point and on cue for you

I provided no disguises, no secrets, no nothing for you to be to me what you were

I was heels over head in love with you

I sipped from every word that slipped from your lips, swam across the spans of air and time and finally rested in my ears

why couldn’t you be the man you needed to be

why couldn’t you voice the words of commitment, freely whispering to my heart

silencing all else, even our mutual fears

pressured by nothing but your own empty promises

why couldn’t you love me on point and on cue

or simply on purpose.

-© Renita Bryant 2013

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